And Quickly, The Third Thought Makes Itself Known

Still high on the satisfaction of putting my last few days into words in the post below, I checked my email one last time before leaving Internetland, to see if "James" had gotten my message about visiting tomorrow.

"Shit great effort!! So are you here now??? I only just checked my mails! If so ring me and i'll cum get you. Will also fix up the bill to help u out [[the ticket was only like $50, and I wasn't into the dynamic of him being sugar daddy, so I bought it]] :) Call me."
And a few seconds later:
"Oh I read it properly it's 2moro, lol. All good. Wow thats exciting and im sure your looking forward it!!
Sounds like he [Earl] was a nutter so lucky you did get out of there!! Bloody Germans, hahaha they are all the same. You can fill me in on it all when your up here:)
Your more than welcome to stay those two nights but see how you go and my x (who thinks we r still together) Will be up Thur so yeah wouldn;t go down to well, hahah but im fine with you being here even as a mate if that has to be the result. Keeping in mind I want to kiss you and [edited out content for sake of my mom, who reads every word of this blog], hehehe :)
Talk soon sexy lips"

Let me translate his web shorthand: "my ex who thinks we are still together." Interesting. I jotted his number down on the back of my Sri Chinmoy card that says:

"The best and most
Effective way
To rectify your mistakes
Is not to repeat them."

I noted the poem's instructions. Since I'm being frank about everything, I might as well say I've been the other woman before -- knowingly, and probably unknowingly, too. And you know what? It's a fucking shit thing to do.

"So James, I booked my ticket and all, but I have to ask, why would your ex still think you're together? Have you not broken up with her yet?"

"Well...." (my memory of just what he said has been wiped out by some red haze)

"Yeah, I'm not taking part in that."

He counters: "It's not your problem, it's my problem."

I've considered that argument before. There are 2 arguments at work for the Other Woman, really. And both can be feminist arguments (please excuse the dichotomous-gendered framing, I could use some help on how to work the language to not be exclusionary of gender-queer folks.. just typing on the run at the moment). One is that we should respect all of our sisters and hold that loyalty as more important than our drive for male sex, validation, whatever. (To gender neutralize, and take it a step higher, we ALL should respect and honor each other and our agreements, regardless of what side of the dating equation we're on.)

The other is that women are already burdened with trying to feel responsible for or make amends for men's behavior, and we don't need to do that all the g'd time -- essentially, "it's his problem, not mine." I've latched onto this argument before. And then karma came around, and I got cheated on in my last relationship, and it left me feeling about an inch tall.

"Well, James, I think of it as my problem. Yknow, karma. And respecting the sisterhood."

"Well ok but it'd be real fun and maybe after a few drinks you'd change your mind so you should..." I tuned out again.

"You're a cocky bastard. Good luck with that." It was satisfying to hang up on him.

Well. What a good lesson. A billionth reminder that I should've listened to my gut in the first place (the problem being that another part of my insides was too in love with the potential story). And, best of all, a good opportunity to practice being the kind of person I want to be. Thank you Buddha!

Here I now am with a one-way ticket to Wellington, and zero plans for tomorrow once again. Perhaps I'll go to Welly to see Gemma (my dear Irish soul sister from Coromandel), and Mandi at the bloob farm, and have some good laughs and hugs with people who make me feel warm and fuzzy. Or I can forget the $50, take the Arthur's Pass train to the west coast and head towards glacier and fjordland, on my wee own. Either way, I'll find some home.

**Update:

"Wow, That was a gutting phone call. It's not like we were going to get married fall in love and have kids or was that what you were thinking?? jokes:) U should still def cum up and stay or atleast visit. The issues are 100 percent mine so please dont feel guilty for any reason which you shouldn't. It's totally your call though and i'll respect what ever decision you make but know that I am very excited about seeing you as i'v already written an I know you are too so just roll with it. I would love to see you and there is a bed here for you, even in the other room if need be:) Would be cool to hear from you again tonight so give me another ring so I know what I need to do for you before you get here. Dont be down theres nothing to be down about!!! You are a super girl who is super hot si I hope to see your 2moro."

"Maybe you didn't fully hear what I said on the phone, but my decision is about karma and respecting all of the people involved, including this woman, whom, though I've never met, I'm sure deserves respect and honesty. I've cheated, helped a guy cheat, and been cheated on and you know what? I'm no longer interested."

*

Wow. This is the most, and most public, sharing I've ever done. It's actually pretty liberating. So while were at it, I'll go to the most sharingest of the sharing level that I know how...

"Dear diary,
Holy asshole [James' real name]! Lying about having a gf. I'm very proud of myself for saying no to him. I'm getting stronger even if it's giving me a splitting emotional headache.

Also, I should probably process that whole deal I went through with [Earl]. JC! That was so awkward and intense and scary and mysterious.

I wish I knew what to do when a man's being inappropriate with and disrespectful to me. Taking a big, loud stand is scary, becasue one thing guys are really good at it being loud(ER) and scary(ER), and the last thing you (I) want when you're already down is a fucking competition.

What do I do about this?

This (fear of failing at my own defense) applies to:
- my last boss
- my dad
- those 4 guys at the bar from my first night in Ch'ch (who were also too touchy-feely, which I didn't detail in my blog because I didn't want to - mostly A/, lose face, and B/ have friends feel bad for me = F'D!!!!)

AHHHH FUCK PATRIARCHY!!!!!
It hurts us all."